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The Sophomore Slump

from Certified Fresh by Spare Jingles

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lyrics

It pokes its head above the ground, it’s ghoulish and pale
Its long greasy hair leaves a poisonous trail
A mating dance; a vile show of tongue and tail,
agitated and in heat and disappointingly male
And now, prolonging its life isn’t so far-flung
Catching sight of a rope ladder, dirty and young,
with its claws fastened tight, ascending rung by rung,
poor vision and a lead tongue.

I don’t know how to tell you, but you’re
gonna be subjected to a crime of a guy
There’s no one in this timezone dumber than I
Any level-headed freak would never have it this way
There’s nothing you can do but you could
always try your best to stay away (hey!)

Tentacles spread like a plague across the state,
closing in on the shiny skin of unsuspecting bait
Four stomachs that virgin flesh could never sate,
or men of undeserved power or women full of hate
And you!— you get a stinger straight through the head
Onlookers gasp as the ground turns red
Cope with your new sense of dread
of a beast with no eyes and a tongue made of lead.

Hate to say it, but you’re
gonna have to deal with a sin of a man
There’s no one out there who dares to do what I can
Only the demiurge would see this through
I implore that you kneel down and
pray to it that I don’t get to you…
(I’m gonna have to do this shit again!)

It’s been long since it far retreated back into its hole
It’s been long since it relinquished any form of control
Brainless and blind as a star-nosed mole,
with a failing heart and lacking in a soul
And everything it ever did has been for the worse,
the most destructive barely-living thing in all the universe
Infecting the lands with a blight of a curse,
completely stripped of its power to coerce.

Condolences that you’ve been
permanently altered by a shell of a husk
that never leaves his cell from daylight to dusk
It doesn’t matter if you witnessed the beginning or end,
just wanna say more than anything
that it’ll never happen again...

credits

from Certified Fresh, released July 23, 2023
Casey Lenhart: composition, performance
Breese Sherman: lyrics, performance, production

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Spare Jingles Williamsburg, Virginia

Just two dudes making tunes

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