Imaginary trains and melting monkeys’ brains
Combusting cars, can’t even make it to the stars
I’ve got so many bars
Exploding rockets so volcanic
I’m bout to go Vesuvius
Jimmy Titanic
Kiss my gluteus
For saying the natives should have tried harder
Dubious
Imma be your pants’ discarder
Kieran Culkin, you need a new barber
Lookin' like a Vulcan Hitler Youth without salvation
It doesn’t take a sleuth to deduce
That your trousers’ elevation ought to be reduced
Would it be considered elder abuse
For the next three goons to face the truth?

Kramer at the moment of his racist drunken rant
Van Morrison recording his anti-vax chant
Eric Clapton in the middle cause of all of the above
And he made I Shot the Sheriff worse, indicative of
A misplaced ego; a misled morale
I’m gonna send your pants to the Panama Canal
Jake Paul 'cause he thinks he’s hot and tough
Chris Rock 'cause the slap was not enough

Late night hosts
Celebrity roasts
We see through your loads of bull
Method actors
Benefactors
Of never getting pantsed at all

Jared Leto is a goddamn creep
The wounds he’s made have now run deep
His visual presence sickens me
And I want him to please stop acting
Playing a trans woman don’t make you special
All you did was emaciate yourself
Playing the Joker was a damn disgrace
It made Joaquin Phoenix win so much acclaim
Heroin addicts should be ashamed
That Requiem for a Dream has got your name
But I think you should have learned your lesson
That snorting marinara doesn’t make you Italian
Jared Leto, go back to your island
Jared Leto, go back to your cult
Jared, my man, when you come to our show
Hope I obliterate you with this guitar solo

Late night hosts
Celebrity roasts
We see through your loads of bull
Method actors
Benefactors
Of never getting pantsed at all
Pantsed at all

This is Breese coming to you live from just off the coast of Croatia. Our marine forensics team has located in the water what appears to be a small part of a destroyed pair of brightly colored pants.

What's so strange about this is that similarly-colored pieces of fabric are being found all across the world. In fact, we've just received word that a right cuff has turned up in Belize, and two belt loops have mysteriously appeared in Wellington, New Zealand.

We believe these tattered pieces were, somehow, all part of the same singular article of clothing, belonging to one... first initial J, last name Leto.