1. |
The Sophomore Slump
03:22
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It pokes its head above the ground, it’s ghoulish and pale
Its long greasy hair leaves a poisonous trail
A mating dance; a vile show of tongue and tail,
agitated and in heat and disappointingly male
And now, prolonging its life isn’t so far-flung
Catching sight of a rope ladder, dirty and young,
with its claws fastened tight, ascending rung by rung,
poor vision and a lead tongue.
I don’t know how to tell you, but you’re
gonna be subjected to a crime of a guy
There’s no one in this timezone dumber than I
Any level-headed freak would never have it this way
There’s nothing you can do but you could
always try your best to stay away (hey!)
Tentacles spread like a plague across the state,
closing in on the shiny skin of unsuspecting bait
Four stomachs that virgin flesh could never sate,
or men of undeserved power or women full of hate
And you!— you get a stinger straight through the head
Onlookers gasp as the ground turns red
Cope with your new sense of dread
of a beast with no eyes and a tongue made of lead.
Hate to say it, but you’re
gonna have to deal with a sin of a man
There’s no one out there who dares to do what I can
Only the demiurge would see this through
I implore that you kneel down and
pray to it that I don’t get to you…
(I’m gonna have to do this shit again!)
It’s been long since it far retreated back into its hole
It’s been long since it relinquished any form of control
Brainless and blind as a star-nosed mole,
with a failing heart and lacking in a soul
And everything it ever did has been for the worse,
the most destructive barely-living thing in all the universe
Infecting the lands with a blight of a curse,
completely stripped of its power to coerce.
Condolences that you’ve been
permanently altered by a shell of a husk
that never leaves his cell from daylight to dusk
It doesn’t matter if you witnessed the beginning or end,
just wanna say more than anything
that it’ll never happen again...
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2. |
Big Gouda
04:32
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Oh my my
The dairy farm is looking so dry
No cheese near or far
The ground is withered and scarred
I’ve got to find the nearest town
To help me settle or I’ll drown
Up to the dairy store
So I can find some cheese to restore
But what I find is beyond prophetic
She has it in her grasp and it's making me hectic
My heart drops and I fall to my knees
It’s so perfect and it’s making me weep
She’s got the big gouda x3
And all my edams have wilted away
And all my wensleydale has gone down the drain
But she’s moved on to capitalize
The dairy industry with her tycoon mind
Oh my my
I asked her why her cheese did not die
She laughed at me with sass
Her aquifer was filled to the max
The one I had back home
Dried up about a month ago
I came to realize
Her dairy farm industrialized
All I can say is well wishes to her
She’s got an opportunity to prove to the world
That farmers like me don’t belong on this Earth
There’s no point in staying when you’ve got no worth
She’s got the big gouda x6
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3. |
Elf Hel
04:17
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It was the summer of Elf Hel
The people built a mighty tower
Just to see it all fall to pieces in its finest hour
Children, they were laughing
Time was flying with the wind
With no idea it was passing
Dying as it lived
It was the summer of Elf Hel
An independent film that was not yet on this plane
dug its claws into our minds; it was begging to be made.
It was bursting with ideas, some in conflict with themselves,
and all of them intelligent — but none involving elves.
Are you finished, are you done? We’ve got to make this date
No time to sit around, so hurry up and wait
Put a smile on your face — it’s all becoming unfurled,
This is just a reflection of a glimpse of the real world.
Slaving for a Friday that was drawing ever near,
for showing off a perfect film to represent a perfect year.
Doing more than enough for it to merit ᴜᴘᴘᴇʀ ᴄᴀꜱᴇ,
piecing everything together, it was falling into place.
But we were lying to ourselves that everything was going fine,
as we couldn’t see the end of our superb assembly line,
but we believed in the words of the one on high,
convincing each other that we could fit through a needle’s eye.
It was the summer of Elf Hel
The people built a mighty tower
Just to see it all fall to pieces in its finest hour
Children, they were laughing
Time was flying with the wind
With no idea it was passing
Dying as it lived
It was the summer of Elf Hel
You can stay here for as long as you need
You can sleep for days on end or fly with blinding speed
And we all filed in, and the lights were coming down,
and hundreds held their breath, and we were ready for renown,
and we were unaware of a superlatively small amount
of factors unforeseeable we couldn’t take into account.
Cue the title card, accompanied by high-falutin’ sound,
and it hit us all at once that for a year we saw the bounds
of the projector strip away a single glyph on either side,
causing us to watch in horror as our grand old daydream died.
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4. |
Waiting
04:26
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Waiting until I retire
Waiting for things to transpire
A dust storm, an earthquake, or fire
Stewing and failing to see
I want what was given to me
I want it forever and free
Waiting for time without end
Closing my eyes to pretend
A world that I can transcend
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5. |
Martian Sunrise
04:24
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Come, my love, it’s time to see the sun
The beauty in the air must weigh a ton
The sky today is a different shade of blue
The light reflects the rocks beneath our shoes
All the dust beneath our feet have flown
As they fly into the great unknown
The light is shining on the empty riverbeds
Can’t you see the majesty of the planet
Sit with me on top of Olympus Mons
We can see a Martian sunrise dawn
Sit with me on top of Olympus Mons
We can see a Martian sunrise dawn
Come, my love, it’s time to see the sun
The beauty in the air must weigh a ton
The sky today is a different shade of blue
The light reflects the rocks beneath our shoes
Sit with me on top of Olympus Mons
We can see a Martian sunrise dawn
Sit with me on top of Olympus Mons
We can see a Martian sunrise dawn
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6. |
Apples in the Attic
04:40
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Follow my lead
Take from these trees
Keep it close to me
Keep it where no one will see
Do as I say
It's the only way
There'll come a day we'll sell the stack
But for now hold it back
I'll never throw away the apples in the attic
'cause you can't get me to care
To see a moral through or the thematic
clouds moving over the air
I'll never have anything to say
as I keep on looking back
I'm glad to let the apples in the attic just rot away
From red to brown to black
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7. |
||||
Something weird happened just the other day
I was on my way to the library
I don’t know why I had to be there
But nothing prepared me for the greatest scare
The windows painted out the sunny sky
And me and two guys were stuck with a surprise
I know I’m paranoid I just don’t know where to be
Staring into its face, it stands still so perfectly
Am I the only one who sees something in front of me
I’d like to leave this place but some force is keeping me in my seat
The other guys start planning their escape
They run up and down the stairs and find no way
Its pale red eyes start staring straight at me
It grins at my hopelessness so chillingly
The tears are running down my cheeks
It feels like I’ve been here for weeks
Hopelessly screaming but it just leads to no avail
The world is crumbling, I just want to leave this hell
Why can’t the other guys just stop and help me out
But they’d just abandon me for that I have no doubt
The two other guys return with panicked eyes
They say to each other that they need supplies
They want to dig their way right out of here
But they will leave me here stuck in my chair
But all a sudden thunder cracks the roof
The demon starts laughing with a sonic boom
It questions our presence with a thundering battle cry
The three of us cower up while everything goes awry
The orchestra in my ears starts playing violently
I guess this means my end, to put it blatantly
I force myself to escape to sounds of my own screams
I never told anyone, this isn’t some comedy
They’ll tell me it's just a dream that has no real meaning
But to this day, I still avoid the library
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8. |
||||
I want Pussy Riot playing at my church
Playing at my church
Playing at my church
I want Pussy Riot playing at my church
Playing at my church
Playing at my church
I’m gonna ride them all the way
I’m gonna ride them to the stage
I’m gonna set up all their gear, and there’s nothing left to fear
They’ll kick all our asses while they melt the bones of masses
Go!
You think you’ve got it down, boy I think you're fronting
These cold vein punksters will bring you down on your knees
And when they come here, will you get in their way?
There won’t be any more room to escape
I feel the ground shake
When those rock goddesses blast up to the stage
I feel the earth shake
When they come on up to the stage
And blow me many worlds away
I want Pussy Riot playing at my church
Playing at my church
Playing at my church
I want Pussy Riot playing at my church
Playing at my church
Playing at my church
I’m gonna ride them all the way
I’m gonna ride them to the stage
I’m gonna set up all their gear, and there’s nothing left to fear
They’ll kick all our asses while they melt the bones of masses
Go!
You think you’ve got it down, girl I think you're fronting
These cold vein punksters will bring you down on your knees
And when they come here, will you get in their way?
There won’t be any more room to escape
I feel the ground shake
When those rock goddesses blast up to the stage
I feel the earth shake
When they come on up to the stage
And blow me many worlds away
I want Pussy Riot playing at my church
Playing at my church
Playing at my church
I want Pussy Riot playing at my church
Playing at my church
Playing at my church
I’m gonna ride them all the way
I’m gonna ride them to the stage
I’m gonna ride em...
You think you’ve got it down, Ha! I think you're fronting
These cold vein punksters will bring you down on your knees
And when they come here, will you get in their way?
There won’t be any more room to escape
I feel the ground shake
When those rock goddesses blast up to the stage
I feel the earth shake
When they come on up to the stage
And blow me many worlds away
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9. |
Hammer Time
04:55
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Sawin’ down some wood to make a room
You’d think that’d be the peak of my afternoon
I put away my drill and head on home
But nothing seems right when I’m all alone
Guess I’m clocking into another shift
My hands are always achin’, sore, and stiff
I need to satisfy my growing urge
So I can give my life that extra surge
Got my hammer and my saw
Keepin’ both eyes on the wall
Tryin’ to hide what I’m feelin inside
Lest I be judged by all
Brick by brick, nail by nail
Development & scale
My quivering eyes and casual lies that the beams’ll never fail
I’m sick to death of all the work I do
Betterin’ the lives of an elite few
Drunk on my unrivaled expertise
The cops’ll never guess it was a hick like me
Truckin’ on down into the woods
Packin’ up some lumber to give the goods
Smuggle it in, leave a nail
They’ll never catch me, I shall prevail
Got my crowbar and my axe
And all of us break our backs
Hammerin’ away all night, all day
Just to fill some dirty sacks
Well, how’d you like it if it were you
A month of your life for no quality shoe
Gettin’ paid in rice to be perfectly precise
…… Whoops! Looks like I forgot a screw
Well I guess my shift is done
Did my job (wink wink) for a measly sum
In a week or two, I’ll lay back and turn on the news
They’ll say it’s a tragedy and I’ll be amused
I’ll walk on by that ruined site
Puddles of bodies I’ll look on with delight
“I’m done with this world,” I’ll say with a scoff
It’s time to retire, it’s time to fuck off
Don’t know where I’m gonna be after shit goes down
Probably fishin’ in an Alaskan town
Kickin’ along, right where I belong
Never to smile nor frown
Got my hammer and my saw
Wiping my tears, wasting my years
For a mansion built to fall
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10. |
Discount Boogie
02:50
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Well I spun a jukebox, tried to get to A5
The machine broke before I could invest my dime
It’s such a travesty, a tragedy I might add
That I’m spending my Saturday nights held up in this shack
Singing this discount boogie that goes something like this
All right!
I spat on my radiator, tried to get it to start
The motor ran over, forgot to put it in park
My soul’s full of nails I tell you, it’s a sad fact
I got no things brewin, my days are turning real black
My discount boogie got no credit this side of town
Ain’t it a shame
My marbles are dirty, they don’t shine no more
I feel so shitty, it ain’t a blues song no more
The clouds are raining tar, all over my radio
The sounds are jumping around like ants on a stove
My discount boogie plays with nobody listening
What? Ughhhhhhh
My discount boogie’s got no name
My discount boogie’s got no name
My discount boogie’s got no name
My discount boogie’s got no name
My discount boogie’s too much crap to play for the boogie-woogie’s of my town
Hey!
Well I spun a jukebox, tried to get to A5
The machine broke before I could invest my dime
It’s such a travesty, a tragedy I might add
That I’m spending my Saturday nights held up in this shack
Singing this discount boogie that goes something like this
All right!
My discount boogie’s got no name
My discount boogie’s got no name
My discount boogie’s got no name
My discount boogie’s got no name
My discount boogie’s too much crap to play for the boogies and the woogies of my town
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11. |
Strange Currents
06:24
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Stare into the distance from my home
Distance myself from what’s going on
The sound of blue abyssal claims my soul
But the city symphony drowns it out
My feet cling to the docks
I take a deep breath for the road
Jump into oblivion
Strange currents take me away
Watch me sink
Watch me sink to the bottom x6
When it's all that you can ever see
The bottom of the ocean ain't so bad
Walk beside the you's that were and be
Say goodbye to lives they might have had
Don't ask me now
Don't ask me now
I barely know where I come from
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12. |
Take a Breather
02:50
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13. |
||||
Why should I stray from my warm and cozy home?
I don't have to look outside to know my comfort zone
is already outright maximized — as big as it can be
and all of y'all are buying things that I can get for free
And the parasitic beasts of Mars have mind control, I fear
That's why I'm coming never near,
Living far, far, far, far, far from here
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14. |
||||
I heard you stopped the show in Wonder Woman 4
A 99% Tomatometer score
Performance on a level never seen before
There used to be a market wherein which I’d thrive
My movies used to have a chance to be top five
And now I cope with a career I can’t revive
I met Scorsese
Here’s what he told me
Franchises killed the mid-budget film x2
They’ve left me lying in the pilm
Can you recall the summer of 2006
In which I had not one, not two, but three hit flicks
I guess each one was just the same old bag of tricks
And I’m not asking for a golden statuette
Nor superhero riches or a private jet
I only want to be a piece you won’t forget
I see my old dreams
On D*sney Pl*s streams
Franchises killed the mid-budget film x2
And now, despite my desperate plea
All my fans would rather see
The new Jurassic Galaxy
Franchises killed the mid-budget film x2
All my friends are super jacked
Dehydration’s made them stacked
Keeping all the theaters packed
How ironic is the fact
None of us can really act?
(You are a mid-budget hack) x2
Franchises killed the mid-budget film x10
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15. |
||||
Imaginary trains and melting monkeys’ brains
Combusting cars, can’t even make it to the stars
I’ve got so many bars
Exploding rockets so volcanic
I’m bout to go Vesuvius
Jimmy Titanic
Kiss my gluteus
For saying the natives should have tried harder
Dubious
Imma be your pants’ discarder
Kieran Culkin, you need a new barber
Lookin' like a Vulcan Hitler Youth without salvation
It doesn’t take a sleuth to deduce
That your trousers’ elevation ought to be reduced
Would it be considered elder abuse
For the next three goons to face the truth?
Kramer at the moment of his racist drunken rant
Van Morrison recording his anti-vax chant
Eric Clapton in the middle cause of all of the above
And he made I Shot the Sheriff worse, indicative of
A misplaced ego; a misled morale
I’m gonna send your pants to the Panama Canal
Jake Paul 'cause he thinks he’s hot and tough
Chris Rock 'cause the slap was not enough
Late night hosts
Celebrity roasts
We see through your loads of bull
Method actors
Benefactors
Of never getting pantsed at all
Jared Leto is a goddamn creep
The wounds he’s made have now run deep
His visual presence sickens me
And I want him to please stop acting
Playing a trans woman don’t make you special
All you did was emaciate yourself
Playing the Joker was a damn disgrace
It made Joaquin Phoenix win so much acclaim
Heroin addicts should be ashamed
That Requiem for a Dream has got your name
But I think you should have learned your lesson
That snorting marinara doesn’t make you Italian
Jared Leto, go back to your island
Jared Leto, go back to your cult
Jared, my man, when you come to our show
Hope I obliterate you with this guitar solo
Late night hosts
Celebrity roasts
We see through your loads of bull
Method actors
Benefactors
Of never getting pantsed at all
Pantsed at all
This is Breese coming to you live from just off the coast of Croatia. Our marine forensics team has located in the water what appears to be a small part of a destroyed pair of brightly colored pants.
What's so strange about this is that similarly-colored pieces of fabric are being found all across the world. In fact, we've just received word that a right cuff has turned up in Belize, and two belt loops have mysteriously appeared in Wellington, New Zealand.
We believe these tattered pieces were, somehow, all part of the same singular article of clothing, belonging to one... first initial J, last name Leto.
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16. |
Always Blooming
04:16
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I took my time to get this right
To close off this musical ride
It gets harder and harder to think
When the weight of the world continues to breathe
Down my shoulder and out my spine
Hoping I will slowly decline
But through it all I’ve stayed on my feet
So that I am always blooming
Take your time and get it right
There’ll be an end to this musical ride
It might get hard when you have to think
When the weight of the world continues to breathe
Down your shoulder and out your spine
Hoping you will soon decline
But through it all, just stay on your feet
So that you are always blooming
Take your time and get it right
There’ll be an end to this musical ride
It might get hard when you have to think
When the weight of the world continues to breathe
Down your shoulder and out your spine
Hoping you will soon decline
But through it all, just stay on your feet
So that you are always blooming
Always blooming
Always blooming
Always blooming
Always blooming
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